Tag Archives: sleep

A plea to my brain

So I thought I’d be disciplined tonight and go to bed early with the Pig.  So, at 1:30, I was in, played on the laptop til 2, then lights off….then my mind raced, so it was Sonata time.  Of course, I have such a wimpy prescription for it, it doesn’t do a thing, so second Sonata and here I am, 3:30, wondering if I should just get up an do some work.

I had an 8 am class this morning, a 3hour group meetings, and bookmaking til 10pm, so I should be a little tired.  However, before my 3pm group meeting, I stopped by my personalized Starbucks and was prescribed something for the evening.  Not sure what it was (some sort of Americano?), but its strength seems to be much more enduring.  Starbucks defeats Sonata hands down.

Come on brain, go to sleep!  you know you’re going to be dead tomorrow morning, take advantage of this time I’m giving you!

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Q8

Welcome, grad quarter…

Well, it hasn’t fully kicked in yet, as my evaluation with Hank keeps getting postponed.  I’m anxious to see what comes of it, as this quarter PC is doing it a little bit different with grads and having them take 2 additional classes at the same time.  So will I be redoing 30 projects in addition to a classload that could be on the heavy side?  I am taking Publications which will have its share of work, and a class called Virtuality, which I haven’t had yet.  I’m also auditing Bookmaking, and judging from the 1st class can say I wish I had this 8 quarters ago!  Maybe I wouldn’t hate publications so much if I had actually known how to keep my pages together.

I also have had zero energy lately, and have been wanting to go to sleep when the sun comes out.  Quite a shame, as it’s been so nice out, but my body just becomes sloth like regardless if I’m up with the moon or I go to bed at normal people hours. I guess this is typical of the first week back, when I have down time after running around during break and recovering from the previous quarter.  It’s almost like some sort of PTSD that rears its head when things finally calm down.  All those things I said I’d work on during break got pushed to now, and aren’t making much progress (make a personal website, relearn flash, etc.).

Anyway, I won’t spend too much time on that, soon enough I’ll have real reasons for fatigue!  Let’s get on with it, I suppose…I had “senioritis” quite bad last quarter, so I’ll try to get the momentum back to finish things up and moooove on….

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End of quarter gray cloud festival

Ah, the PC experience. I’ll be a guest blogger on the subject soon, but I just haven’t had a chance to put something together with the end of the quarter coming.  But if you’re dying for a piece of raw, honest PC life, I’m willing to dish today.  Maybe even vent a little too.

Needless to say, I haven’t been able to get to bed before 4am all this week.  It’s the last week of classes, though next week being studio week usually means little difference – I still spend just as much time in meetings and make up classes as any other week…I’m just supposed to finish all my projects meanwhile.
Despite getting little sleep from Wednesday night to Thursday morning, I did have a nice evening after class, getting in a good 40 minutes of badminton time…I can’t let my slovenly body completely atrophy before I graduate.  My goal that night was to get out a massive amount of revisions for a class that I’ve been working on for the past couple of days.  I thought it wouldn’t take me too long to prepare them, but the sun was rising before I got to see my mattress.  The birds started chirping at 3am, the first garbage truck arrived at 5:30, and the sound of pipes busy with morning showers started at 6:30.  I know, I’m lucky, I got to sleep a few hours, I could’ve had nothing…but since I’ve aged 30 years in the past 18 months, my body handles this sort of thing worse with each passing week.  So, I did get some peaceful rest time until 9:30 when I was awakened to discuss some bank stuff with Pig, and then slowly getting my ass ready for the 30 minute hike to work.  But my giant amount of revisions was sent off for review and I felt pretty good about it…and most of all, relief of getting it packed in a PDF and sent before I left for the day.

I checked my email at work in the afternoon, and got response back from the files I had sent in the morning.  I felt something like that giant 16 ton weight from Monty Python’s Flying Circus crash on me as I read the feedback.  All caps was used at in part of it to emphasize the amount of fixin’ needed.  However, it was noted that there was so much wrong with it that it was too much to write in an email and would have to wait for class Monday.  But rework it meanwhile.

So. That is a little piece of the PC experience.  I keep asking if it’s worth it.  Is it worth the stress I put on myself, my health, my family?  I see other people getting oportunities, but I could be one of the unmentionables that just falls between the cracks.  Well, I don’t just fall, I’m sure it’s my own bloody fault.  I can’t get a grip on one particular aspect and end up reverting in my process, and I don’t do the shmooze and social thing very well.  And a lack of sleep makes that gray cloud just a bit gloomier.  I suppose if I never rise to anything at least I can be satisfied that at least I made it through six quarters of the program – hopefully all eight at the end of the year.

And so now I will sleep.  It’s almost 3, and that’s before 4, so I’m very happy and just a tiny bit guilty.  Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and write cheery optimistic posts, but not likely…I have a lot of work to do, and there are enough of those posts by other classmates out there anyway.  You can tune in here to hear struggle, attempts, failures, and some weird determination that drives me with the simple hope that maybe all this trouble will be worth it somewhere down the road.

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Familiar motto

I managed to go 3 weeks without a trip to Starbucks. Alas, week 3 of my 6th quarter has gotten me reacquainted with the friendly baristas at my local ‘bucks…
Anyway, thought this ad epitomized PC philosophy at its best.

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Old friend revisited

So, 5th quarter is over at last, and I can now partake in activities I couldn’t before. Like sleep. In a bed. Neither of those things really happened much lately. I was rendering things out on my laptop in the car on the way to my 4th crit, so things were that crazy. I now have to prepare for an internship competition as well, but that’s tranquil waters compared to the recent tsunami.

Anyway, more pics to come, but for now a bit of what I’ve been seeing…

oldfriend.jpg

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Awake again

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Sleeplessness has definitely plagued me lately. I’m rarely drinking coffee or anything caffeinated these couple of weeks, so don’t blame it on that. I’ve battled with sleep for as long as a can remember – ether not being able to escape it, or not being able to enter it. It comes in various stages and extremities, and it’s peaked at a nasty level again. Lately I haven’t had a need or reason to stay up til when most people are getting up for work. It’s isolating and frustrating. I’d like a normal schedule, but I can’t seem to fall into that groove.

 

Sleeping meds sometimes help, but lately they just put me in a very odd daze that develops into a fog that hangs over me for the following day. I don’t have a prescription kind, and don’t know what to think about them. I’ve heard enough scrutiny a bout them from my peers, yet people in my family swear by them. And speaking of which, I’m getting blood taken tomorrow for the doctor,we’ll see what happens.

 

So, it’s not too late yet in the evening, there could be hope of getting a night’s sleep. Maybe I should be plopping my head into a pillow now rather than putting my brain to use? No, my mind would race anyway, things i need to do, why my portfolio site sucks, things I’ve done wrong, what I should do in the morning if I feel up to it but know I wont…and then I accidently glance at the clock, see it’s 4, now 5, I get angrier, frustrated, my heart races more. I can find more constructive things to do than that. Maybe I’ll write, and maybe someone else will see this and know what I’m talking about. Networking, eh?

 

I know, I’ll probably sink into the opposite problem once classes kick in full steam – the inability to escape fatigue’s nasty grip. Meanwhile, i’ll just be getting through one night at a time and see what happens.

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