Mediocre

Mediocrity - is that even a word? But more importantly, how does one beat it? It seems to be a theme for me right now, whereas 4th quarter I had a teacher trying to teach me “sophistication.” The “s” word didn’t stick too well, but at least it was pointed out as something I was lacking. Maybe it did sink in, but I just felt it doesn’t represent me that well. Me, sophisticated? beh.
So I feel lately like I’m treading water, staying afloat but not taking things to a new level. I try, I want to, I really really want to, but somewhere between concept and execution I fail. It becomes mediocre, could’ve been better, maybe even great.
Sometimes I just want to accept mediocrity; it’s like that idea of loving my body for what it is. But then the realization that a rotund bodice is not only ugly, but also very unhealthy, begins to push me to think acceptance is not the right answer. Same with design. I could be content that I’ve fallen between the cracks; afterall, it’s better known as an average designer than a bad designer. Maybe there is a contented, peaceful life out there for the mediocre, if they just accept their mediocrity. Perhaps, but then there’s something in me that want to buck acceptance and would rather be depressed over not being anything than accept being mediocre.